Conflict, or connection?
For anyone who follows the Society for Human Resource Management, you’ve probably seen the articles that workplace incivility is on the rise. The news is saying that, after Luigi Mangione’s killing of United Healthcare Exec Brian Thompson, that others have picked up his cue and are going straight to violence, including the July shooting of NFL headquarters in Manhattan and the most recent killing of Charlie Kirk. (By the way, I’m not here to debate political rhetoric, just to shine a light on the way society is dealing with it). There’s always been politics and wars, but when did we decide that we should normalize this kind of person-to-person hate?
What if the problem isn’t that there’s more hate, but that there’s less empathy?
There was a study published in 2007 which studied college students over time, starting in the 1970s. What it found was that year by year, little by little, thier empathy had decreased over this time by…wait for it…FORTY PERCENT. By almost half.
People are more reactive, and less willing to listen and understand. Ones we love become so enamored with their ideologies (all ideologies) that we forget that we’re friends, and not enemies. We live in a time where loneliness is considered an epidemic. The scariest part isn’t where we are now – it’s where we’re going. If this is where we’ve gone in the last 50 years, where are we going in the next 50?
If you think I’m trying to scare you, you’re right. We should all be scared at the prospect of having a society without empathy. I know I wouldn’t want to live there.
But here’s the good news – if this is a problem we, as a society, have created, then it’s a problem we can fix. And, instead of blaming everyone around us for their perceived failings, we can begin this transformation with ourselves. Ask yourself: when is the last time you listened, instead of lashed out? Is there someone, including yourself, that you’ve placed judgement on without really knowing the underlying story? When did you last react from connection instead of from some inner unmet need, ignored emotions, or a culture that rewards dominance over dialogue?
We don’t have to accept this new normal of incivility and hate. We can take a step back and say ‘no, we can do better’. Empathy is a skill, and you only build a skill by using it. Make today the day that you step back and say “I’m not going to react the way my culture thinks I should. I don’t need to put more hate into this world”. Empathy isn’t soft. It takes courage to be the first person to go against the prevailing trend, but a little revolution now and again is healthy.
The opposite of violence isn’t silence – it’s connection. Let’s start right here, right now.
