The Goal isn’t always the Goal

I want to talk about something that might be sensitive for some leaders, but I believe could be the missing component for so many people.  What if what you think you’re working towards isn’t really what you’re working towards?

Hear me out.  

I’ve been working with leaders and teams for over 20 years, and one thing I’ve noticed is that the stated goal and the real goal are rarely the same.  And the leaders who can understand and work through this gap between rhetoric and execution are the ones who actually lead, as opposed to just shouting orders.

I hear things like “we need better execution”, “ we need tighter accountability”, “we need to be more agile”. On the surface, this might all be true, but why?  Is it because we want to bring honor and glory to the organization, or is it because we want to show what great leaders we are or, conversely, that we don’t want to be found to not be the amazing leaders we want to be?

The problem is that when the hidden goal is running the show, then strategy is out of alignment.  No wonder it all feels disconnected and frustrating.

I watched this in my own life before I ever became a leadership coach. My leader wasn’t managing for the department’s outcomes. He was managing to protect his own comfort, his own position, his own sense of authority. Nobody named that out loud. It was all framed as excellence. As what this program requires.

In reality, it was fear with a leadership title.

I didn’t have language for it then. Now I do. And here’s what I know: when a leader is secretly leading to avoid shame or being seen as inept, the whole team performs like trained animals in a circus instead of working toward the actual goal. The work becomes performative and not real. Not because people are difficult, but because nobody’s solving the real problem.

So here’s the uncomfortable question I want you to sit with: What outcome are you actually protecting right now?

Are you truly trying to hit the target? Or are you trying to make sure nobody sees you miss?

Are you trying to support your team? Or are you trying to control their output because you can’t tolerate the uncertainty?

This is where strategic, actionable empathy comes in.  Not the kind that’s warm and fuzzy and ineffectual.  This isn’t about feelings, yours or anyone else’s. But first you have to do the self-reflection to see what’s really there and have the self-awareness to understand how you’re affecting the world around you.

You stop blaming your team for a problem that starts with you.

I know it’s hard to do this kind of work, but it’s where real leadership begins.  Not with everyone around you, but with yourself.