Charity begins at home

“But empathy means I take care of everyone else and I don’t have anything left”!!

I’ve heard this from more than one exec.  There’s this myth out there that having empathy means you give until you’re all deflated like a sad balloon from last week’s birthday party.  Empathy means you try to connect and understand other people, but if you become that burnt out that there’s nothing left in the tank, then how can you possibly help others?

Empathy doesn’t mean you don’t have boundaries.

Empathy doesn’t mean you give to others but not yourself.

Empathy includes having empathy for YOU.

Let’s look at this on a larger scale.  Businesses are meant to make money, and in the process they take care of others whether employees, customers, clients, or the C-suite.  If a business fails and all of these people are out of work, out of time, and out of luck, how many people can it help?  The answer is, none.  We want business to work, even when that means hard decisions.  Empathy would say that allowing leaders to become burnt-out until the business fails helps no one.

On a smaller scale, this means the people that work in these organizations.  If you’ve given so much of yourself that there’s nothing left, then you can’t help others.  You probably can’t even help yourself at that point, at least, not like you’d want to.

Empathy starts with you – with understanding your boundaries, knowing how much is too much, and not pushing yourself beyond bearable limits.  We all have to work hard, and business has to get done, but if you continually give so much of yourself away that there’s nothing left for you, that’s a wasted future resource that we can’t get back.  

So when you’re thinking about using empathy, start by showing some connection and understanding for yourself.  It’s the perfect place to begin.  Besides, if you can’t show it for yourself, how could you ever begin to show it for someone else?