Courageous like a girl

Last week I was working with a client who was a very nice older gentleman, if maybe a bit set in his ways.  I was explaining how empathy can work in a corporate setting, and talking through some examples of his behavior in the past week that maybe could’ve been different.  Then, he leaned in, his eyes growing huge, and said “this must be so easy for you, but you’re a girl”.

Wait, what?!

I’m amazed that we live in the twenty-first century and this myth still exists, so let’s start by clearing it up once and for all: empathy is not gender related.

Empathy is not a feminine trait.

Empathy can’t be categorized by race, religion, or creed.

Empathy is human – maybe the most human any of us could be.

If we see empathy as feminine, it’s because society has conditioned us that way, not because it’s how we’re made. If you have a bunch of babies in one room and one starts crying, they all start crying.  Not just the girl babies. It’s called emotional contagion, and it’s a precursor to empathy.  You can feel it when you’re in a room and something exciting, like an engagement or party, is happening, and you can feel the excitement and happiness even if you’re not directly involved.  It’s part of how we’re made.

So let’s flip this on its head: what would our world look like if empathy was thought of as human? No other qualifier.  And what if we thought of it as a treasured responsibility for us all instead of the burden of women? It takes more courage to show empathy because you have to be open and vulnerable.  So if we say courage is a masculine trait, for the sake of argument, then shouldn’t the things that take courage also be masculine?

Let’s reclaim empathy as a human trait – all of us.  I think there’s even hope for my crusty old executive, if he continues to work on his empathy as a skill.  And if we can get past categorizing empathy as a trait held by only half of the population, what other myths and stereotypes are waiting out there for us to bust?